


cotton collars and dark skies

by orphan_account



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Astronomy, Double Date, Eventual Smut, Evil Laughter, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Pining, SKAM Season 3, Sweaters, Unrequited Love, but between who???, but not really, inspired by sweater, lots of hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:28:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27181810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: inspired by sweater by conan grayWhen is it the right time to tell someone you love them?Lucas doesn't know. But, he is sure as hell that the right time is not when they're in a seemingly picture perfect, four-year-long relationship.Or, the one where Lucas is pining for Eliott, but Eliott is already in a relationship with Lucille.*abandoned...sorry, I doubt im going to finish it*
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant, Eliott Demaury/Lucille (SKAM France), Lucas Lallemant/Original Male Character
Comments: 72
Kudos: 132





	1. intro: WIP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SKIP THIS CHAPTER

Lucas doesn’t remember when exactly he fell in love with Eliott. 

Was it the day when his father left Lucas alone to care for his ill mother? Lucas forgot how to function that day. How did he even breathe easy before that? He cried and cried into the crook of Eliott’s shoulder. And, Eliott would just carelessly throw wet kisses starting from the side of Lucas’ red cheeks to his ear and whisper, “Everything will be okay. I’m here. Please stop crying, Lucas.” And, that just made Lucas sob even harder, his chest heaving and his breath’s unrelenting. And, Eliott would just hug Lucas tighter and rock them back and forth.

Was it the day when the skies were hues of orange and pink, and the clouds were like cotton candy? It was quite a contrast to Lucas’s mind, which seemed to be ridden with dark grey skies and monstrous clouds. But, the sun felt so warm against Lucas’ skin. Every once in a while, a breeze made the leaves of the trees dance and the daisies toss their heads. Lucas would shiver, and goosebumps would cover his arms, and Eliott would notice and offer Lucas his sweater. Lucas would eventually succumb to Eliott’s offer, for Lucas always hated the cold. 

Lucas would quickly throw it on while avoiding Eliott’s eyes. He would hug his body and tuck his chin to his chest. He would then feel the cotton sweater's collar on his chin, and he would realize that this was Eliott’s sweater. And, his heart would jump for joy and hit his ribs with so much force while letting out the loudest squeals. Lucas almost feared that Eliott would hear it. Finally, he would spare a glance at Eliott’s direction and eventually couldn’t fight back against the smile. And, Eliott would softly smile back at him and tell Lucas not to forget to give his sweater back tomorrow. Lucas would let out a dangerous laugh and would punch the older boy’s shoulder almost too harshly. Eliott would laugh loudly and dramatically grab Lucas’ shoulders, pull Lucas inside his arms, and squeeze him so tight until Lucas forgot how to breathe. And, then, Eliott would jokingly whisper: 

“Never take it off, Lucas. Not even Lucille can come close to how beautiful you are in my sweater, swear to god.” 

And, then, Lucas would be reminded about Lucille. And, how Eliott pined for her so long. How much he adored her. What he would do for her. How he looks at her with eyes overflowing with mesmerization, adoration, and undeniable and unconditional love for her.

Lucas would then be reminded that Eliott loves Lucille, and Lucille loves Eliott, and Lucas didn’t even stand a chance. Lucas would realize how much he yearned to be her. To be the heart of Eliott’s devotion. To be the reason for Eliott’s smiles. To be the muse behind his artwork.

Lucas doesn’t remember exactly when he fell in love with Eliott. But, one thing he knows for sure is that he loves everything about Eliott including his messy hair to his goofy smile. And, no matter how much it hurts to admit, Lucille is absolutely perfect for Eliott. More than what Lucas could be. So, how could he even hate her?


	2. lucas

december 3, 2020 

The noise level in the cafe was loud. 

Loud teenagers and scowling elders occupied each table. The standing bar was occupied by impatient businessmen annoyingly tapping their expensive, black shoes on the floor. And, there was a seemingly, never-ending line that wrapped around the small, little building. 

Lucas always hated the smell of coffee. It gave him headaches and stomachaches. And, to make things even worse, he worked the morning shift: of which is overtaken by working men and women bustling through the cafe doors with their enormous noses high in the air. 

They demand bitter espressos or sickeningly sweet caramel lattes immediately. And, when they don’t get their order within the first three minutes, they lean forward over the counter and scream into your face until you know exactly what they had for breakfast: garlic and onion bagels with a smear of cream cheese, toasted if they had the time. 

Lucas doesn't even remember why he even took this job in the first place. Scratch that, he knows exactly why he took this job: Elliot. Lucas took the job only because Eliott wanted to work as a barista. 

He wanted to learn how to make foamy lattes and sickeningly sweet frappuccinos topped with artificially sweet whipped cream. But, part of the working experience requires working with strangers, strangers who are also your co-workers. Eliott doesn’t particularly work well with strangers. 

As confident as his exterior might be, he’s the most awkward and nervous person Lucas has ever met. So, when Eliott asked Lucas to work with him, Lucas, like the lovesick puppy he is, immediately accepted Eliott’s invitation and called the cafe to apply. 

And the process went smoothly. He made zero errors on the application, he was called in for an interview, and then he went to the interview dressed up in the most professional outfit he could find in his closet. 

When Lucas received the call that he got the job, he was ecstatic. Every morning from that day on, Lucas will be working alongside Eliott. So, after he finished talking on the phone with his new boss, Lucas dialed Eliott’s number to tell him the news. 

But, there was just one problem. While Lucas was in the process of applying and being interviewed, Eliott had a terrible nightmare that scarred him from days to come. 

He was working in the cafe all alone when all the sudden five girls walked into the cafe. They gave Eliott their biggest smiles and squeaky giggles before ordering five pumpkin spice frappuccinos, all with whipped cream. 

Eager to impress, Eliott brewed the coffee. He added ice, the coffee, and the rest of the ingredients in the blender and then pressed blend. There was one problem, though, he forgot the lid. So, instead of being in a plastic cup, the frappuccino ended up all over his face. 

And, as he turned around, his foot slipped, and he landed on his back on the floor. The girls laughed hysterically as his boss, who magically appeared right beside him, began shouting at him. And, right before Eliott woke up, his boss screamed: 

“You’re fired!” 

With sweat dripping off his face onto the pillow, Eliott jumped off the bed and immediately ripped his completed application. All while forgetting to tell Lucas. 

So, now here Lucas is, trying not to get pumpkin guts all over his uniform and trying to keep people pleased. 

He kept brewing and serving until the line went from 25 to 15 to 5 to none and he was finally allowed to go home. 

“Bad day?” 

He took off his coffee-stained apron and threw it next to Mika who was sitting on the couch. “I am so sick of coffee, you have no idea how much I hate the goddamn inventor of goddamn coffee.” Mika cackled as he rifled through different channels on the TV. “I’m not even fucking joking, Mika. I am going to hire the best hitman I can find and demand them to assassinate everyone associated with coffee.” Lucas fell face-first into the couch and groaned. 

“I don’t think you could afford a hitman on a barista salary.” Mika retorted. 

“Who said anything about money? I’ll seduce them with my pretty eyes and cute smile.” Mika scoffed and turned to look at Lucas. 

“Is that how you’re passing biology?”

Lucas squawked. “You dick! I am passing biology because I am incredibly intelligent. Ask Eliott, he’ll tell you how intelligent I am.” 

“Eliott loves everything about you, Lucas. I swear to god he hasn’t said one mean thing about you. And, that fucking insane. Because my baby gay, you are anything but perfect. I mean, you hate coffee! Who in the right mind hates coffee?” 

“A lot of people hate coffee. Tom Brady hates coffee!” argued Lucas. 

“Baby gay, there’s an obvious difference between you and Tom Brady. He’s nice without coffee. You’re a grumpy baby with and without coffee. Plus, Tom Brady is finer than wine. You on the other hand-” 

“Do you want to be hit?” interrupted Lucas. 

Mika laughed and turned his attention back to the TV as Lucas took out his phone. He checked his notifications and responded to everyone who texted him during his shift, and just when he thought the conversation was over, Mika opened his mouth again. 

“Is it too soon to ask you to make me a pumpkin spice latte?” Lucas turned to glare at Mika, taking the pillow from behind his back and hitting Mika repeatedly with the pillow until Mika was gasping for air. 

“OK, OK. I’m sorry, Lucas. Please! Spare me!” Mika gasped out while screaming bloody murder. “I am going to die! Manon! Tell my mom I loved her!” 

The laughter died down until the only sound that could be heard was the slight hum from the television and the occasional car horn from outside. The silence was comforting. So comforting that Lucas would have dozed off if it weren’t for his phone buzzing to spring him awake. 

“So, have you made your mind up yet?” asked Mika. Lucas was startled and turned to look at Mika. “Don’t give me that bambi look. The festival! Are you going?” Lucas felt like groaning. 

The annual festival. Since 1998, every one from his town and the next town over gathers together and prepares for the Archer Dale festival. 

It’s a time where diets are pushed aside for delicious funnel cakes and salty, greasy fries. It’s a time where our enemies become our friends. And, it’s a time where there is silly dancing, obnoxious laughter, big smiles, and utmost fun. 

Every year since Lucas turned twelve, he would go to the festival with Eliott. They would dress up in the wildest outfits. And, they would ditch their bikes for sprinting uphill and rolling downhill like rolling pins. Then Eliott turned 16, and Lucas turned 14, and Eliott decided he was too old to be going to the festival with Lucas. 

So, Lucas was forced to make friends other than Eliott. And, it wasn’t hard for Lucas to make new friends. He was befriended by a messy kid named Basile, who seemed to never run out of topics to talk about. And then, Basile introduced him to Arthur, who had overly neat hair and big, black glasses. 

For a while, it was just the three of them. They would eat their shitty lunches together while shit-talking the upperclassmen. That was until Yann joined. He was tall and had an intimidating stare, and Basile seemed to be the only one who wasn’t scared of the new transfer. 

He walked straight in front of Yann and introduced himself. He then pointed at Lucas and Arthur, waving at them frantically, urging them to come over. He and Arthur would finally give in and walk over to introduce themselves. And then the three best friends turned into four. 

Lucas lost his train of thought when he saw Mika waving his hand in front of his face. “I don’t know.” Mika threw him a mean look. “Yann said he’s not going. Basile has a family thing. And, Arthur has an exam tomorrow. I don’t want to go alone.” Lucas explained. 

Mika rolled his eyes and pointed at himself. “But, you would not go alone, my baby gay! You could go with Ethan and me.”

Ethan is Mika’s boyfriend of two years. Lucas met Ethan when he first moved in with Mika. At first, he had no problem with Ethan. He was polite and seemed to love Mika a lot. Plus, he didn’t seem to have a problem with Eliott coming over every day. Sometimes, he would throw glares at Eliott, but then he would notice Lucas staring and would give him the brightest of smiles and then, Lucas would forget. 

That was until Eliott made new friends and began coming over to the kollectiv less and less. That was when Ethan became more tactile. Whenever Mika would leave the room, Ethan would inch a little closer to Lucas and throw his arm over his shoulders and squeeze him tightly. And, the touches would linger even when Mika came back in the room. His touches weren’t the only thing the irked Lucas. Every chance he had with Lucas alone, Ethan would tell him how beautiful he looked or how much a particular color suited him. 

At first, Lucas was flattered. Ethan was his friend, a lovely friend who gave him compliments. But, then, the compliments became paired with stares. 

Like whenever Lucas wore a shirt that showed off his collarbones or wore jeans that were a little too tight, he would stare for a moment too long. And Lucas would feel so uncomfortable and try to make himself appear as small as possible. He resorted to walking away in the middle of conversations with Ethan or shrugging off inappropriate touches. But, that seemed to only grossly satisfy Ethan, who would pull Lucas even closer to him by his waist. 

Lucas visibly tensed. “I don’t know.” Mika’s face twisted in hurt. “It’s not you! It’s just that I’m not in the mood to be a third wheel.” Lucas used it as an excuse. 

“You wouldn’t be a third wheel.” Mika started. He seemed deep in thought then continued. “Maybe, I can get Ethan to invite his cute roommate. He’s tall and dreamy, you would love him!” 

Lucas doesn’t think he can love anyone else, but Eliott. Lucas stared out of the window and then glanced back at Mika. He regretted it once he saw Mika’s pout and glassy eyes. “Okay.” 

Before Lucas could blink, Mika squeaked and pulled a startled Lucas off the couch. “You are not going to regret this! I got to help you pick out an outfit. First impressions matter, Lucas!” 

Lucas groaned. “Why can’t I just wear what I have on now?” He sunk back into the couch. The collar of his “romance” hoodie covering half of his face. 

Mika squawked. “Because I told you. First impressions matter, Lucas! You always used to get dressed up prettily when Eliott came over, don’t think I overlooked that.” He pulled Lucas off the couch again, dragging him to his room. “Let’s start here! You got to have one cute outfit hidden in that closet of yours.” 

Lucas sat down on his bed and stared at Mika as he rummaged through his closet, throwing all of the rejects to his side. Lucas scowled. “I just cleaned my room, Mika. C’mon.” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, my dear friend.” Mika explained. Then, his face seemed to lighten up as he twirled around to face Lucas. He held a striped long, sleeve shirt to his chest. It alternated between black and purple. Lucas didn’t even recall buying it, until he remembered it wasn’t his. 

“It’s not my shirt. It’s Eliott’s.” Lucas explained. 

Mika scoffed. “Of course it’s Eliott’s. Half of these clothes are probably Eliott’s. Just put it on tucked in with those black jeans you always wear. He won’t mind.” Mika threw the shirt next to Lucas and began to walk out of the room before turning around to face Lucas again. “Ethan will be here soon! So, get dressed quickly. You know how pissy he gets.” 

Lucas sighed and took off his sweatshirt and replaced it with the long-sleeve shirt. It wasn’t his shirt, so it was baggy in the chest area and a little long, reaching mid-thigh. He put on black jeans, or more accurately, jumped into his jeans. Then, he tucked in his shirt into his jeans and walked in front of the mirror. 

He looked almost cute. His jeans were cuffed at his ankles and the sleeves of the shirt went past his wrist, giving him sweater paws. The shirt still smelled of Eliott, and Lucas felt like he was almost invading his privacy. It smelled of everything good, Eliott’s cologne and a hint of cigarette smoke and canned spray paint. 

He threw on his worn-out black converse that also happened to be Eliott’s and emptied his backpack of all his school supplies. He stuffed his phone and his charger inside and added a half-empty water bottle. He checked his back pockets for any loose change and added it to his backpack. 

The doorbell rang and prompted Lucas to get out of his room just in time for Mika to open the door. Behind the door was Ethan, who hugged Mika tightly after walking in. He was wearing a white shirt, tight around his shoulders, with a black jacket over his shoulders. His long legs were adorned with dark blue, baggy jeans. He was wearing black sneakers, a stark difference from the black dress shoes he always wore. His blonde hair lacked the usual gel and was instead, curly. 

As much as Lucas hates to admit it, Ethan looked good. He was good for Mika. Mika loved him a lot. And, Ethan seemed to love him back with all his heart. Maybe, he was just misinterpreting Ethan’s behavior. Maybe, he was overreacting. Ethan never hurt him. Never touched him inappropriately. But then, Ethan glanced behind Mika’s shoulder and smirked. And then Lucas' chest became tight and he could feel his throat closing up so Lucas looked away. 

He looked anywhere that wasn’t Ethan. He walked next to Mika, who just seemed to notice his presence. And, then he heard a low whistle from Ethan. 

“Big change from those sweatshirts you always wear, Lucas.” Ethan commented. Lucas could hear Mika laugh in the background as Ethan walked closer to Lucas with his arms held open. Lucas grunted and hid behind Mika, which was apparently the wrong move since Ethan’s expression quickly changed from overly friendly to annoyed. Lucas looked down to the floor again. 

Obliviously, Mika searched through his bag, making sure he had everything ready. He suddenly threw his head back and groaned. “I’ll be right back. I forgot my wallet in my room.” 

Lucas watched as Mika left, leaving Lucas alone with Ethan. He felt the urge to follow him. But, his feet seemed to be glued to the floor. Lucas looked back to the floor and then up towards Ethan whose face twisted with irritation. 

“Are you upset with me?” he asked. Lucas didn’t know how to answer Ethan. He didn’t know if he even could respond to him. He felt trapped. His chest felt tight as his heart began to hammer against his chest as Ethan inched closer to Lucas. Ethan reached out and gripped Lucas’ chin. “You’re such a te-.” 

Lucas gasped in relief as Ethan ripped his hand away from Lucas and backed off. “Found it!” Mika yelled. He ran into the room and grabbed Lucas’ hand, pulling him further away from Ethan and out of the door. Lucas could hear Ethan’s loud footsteps behind them, but chose to ignore it. 

Mika led them to Ethan’s car and shoved him inside. He seemed to look confused as he looked around the car and then glared at Ethan who sat in the driver’s seat. “Where’s Julian?” 

Ethan grunted while starting the car. “He didn’t want to come.” His answer sounded dishonest. Like, he was hiding something. Mika seemed to forgive and forget once Ethan grabbed his hand and held it softly. Lucas noticed Mika smile and look at Ethan with so much adoration that Lucas felt sick. 

Lucas tore his eyes away from the couple and opted to stare out the window. At the passing trees and the speeding cars. The trees were naked. Lacking any evidence of once being alive and green. It was a cold day. The winds were harsh and the air was brisk. Lucas would much rather be at home, watching all the movies of Harry Potter in one night under his warm blanket. 

The silence in the car dissipated when Mika turned on the radio. Mika hummed as he turned towards Lucas. “Sorry, Lucas.” 

The car ride was quick. Parking was difficult to find, but after a lot of groaning coming from Mika and scoffing from Ethan, they found parking, although miles away from the entrance. They got out of the car and started walking towards the entrance. Mika and Lucas were in front, while Ethan was trailing behind them.

When they finally made it to the entrance, they bought their tickets and all of them got free party hats. And, when Lucas reached to grab his, Ethan got to it first. He smiled and nudged towards Mika, who seemed to be distracted observing the crowds. Lucas frowned as Ethan placed the hat on Lucas’ head and then, patted his cheeks. 

Ethan then directed his attention back to his boyfriend, putting his arm around his shoulder and throwing him a pretty grin. Mika smiled back and turned towards Lucas and then back to the crowds when suddenly his face scrunched up with confusion. 

Mika suddenly grinned and pointed towards a group of tall teenagers huddled together in a circle. “Is that Eliott?” He asked. Eliott was standing to the side with a young girl. They seemed to be in a heated discussion, for Eliott’s face was scrunched up with frustration as the girl nearly stomped her feet on the ground. “Let’s go say hi!” exclaimed Mika. Almost immediately, Ethan dropped his arm off of Mika’s shoulders and scoffed. Mika looked at him with a face akin with anger. “Why are you in a pissy mood already, Ethan?” Ethan turned towards Mika with a glare. 

He crossed his arms and stared up at the sky. “He’s a nutcase, isn’t he?” Lucas squinted at Ethan. “I don’t want to be near him.” 

“He’s not a nutcase, asshole.” Lucas retorted. 

“Fine. Whatever. Let’s go talk to the charity case. Hopefully we don’t catch the crazy.” Ethan groaned. He looked like a disgruntled toddler who was forced to share his toys. Ethan can say or do whatever he wants to Lucas, but not to Eliott. He has no right to be calling him crazy.

“Why are you being such a dick?” asked Mika. Ethan argued something incomprehensible back at Mika. But, Lucas was busy staring at Eliott again, who seemed to be in a better mood. He watched as Eliott laughed at his friends. Lucas recognized one of them being Idriss, the brother of Imane. Lucas felt a hand on his shoulder and suddenly tensed up until he noticed it was Mika. “Come on, let’s go talk to Eliott. Ethan will get over it.” 

Lucas let out a sigh of relief and took Mika’s hand. They all walked towards the group of boys, but this time, Ethan was in front, seemingly fuming. Lucas stared at Eliott as he pulled a joint out of Idriss’ hand. He buried his hand into his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He furrowed his eyebrows as he lit the joint and then lifted his head, catching sight of Lucas and he smiled. And, Lucas couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Lucas!” Eliott exclaimed. “You made it! I missed you.” Lucas didn’t feel so cold anymore. He felt a wildfire inside of him. All of his worries washed away as he focused his attention on Eliott. He laughed as he scanned Lucas’ outfit. “And, that’s my shirt. You thief!” Eliott accused. His pupils were dilated and his shirt was wrinkled, but he still looked so stunning. Lucas doesn’t know how someone can be as perfect as Eliott is. 

Lucas giggled as he took his last steps before stopping inches away from Eliott’s face. He took the joint from his hand and took a quick drag before blowing smoke next to Eliott’s face. “You left it mine. Law says finders keepers, losers weepers.” Eliott pouted and took back the joint from Lucas. He handed it back to Idriss and pulled Lucas into his arms. 

Eliott wrapped his arms around his waist and whispered, “I didn’t say you had to give it back.” Lucas looked flustered and by the look of Mika, he knew the effect Eliott had on Lucas. Eventually, Eliott pulled away from Lucas, who nearly protested, wanting to pull Eliott back into his arms and never let go. 

Eliott wrapped his arms around Lucas' shoulders. “We were going to the daisy fields, you want to come?” Lucas looked towards Mika, who nodded towards Eliott reassuringly. He looked back to Eliott who looked so hopeful and then agreed. “Let’s go, then.” 

Lucas walked alongside Eliott and his friends as they chatted about a new transfer girl with a talented mouth. They laughed at Idriss who got visibly flustered at the topic. 

The younger boy almost felt left out. But, then Eliott turned towards Lucas with a bright smile, who nudged Lucas on the shoulder. “You’re going to love the fields. They’re absolutely beautiful.” Lucas smiled prettily at Eliott, who tapped his nose and pulled him closer to his side. “Not as pretty as you, though.” Eliott added. 

Lucas giggled as the other boy’s made vomiting noises in the background. “Corny.” Lucas started. “Was it your idea?” Lucas asked. Eliott shook his head and opened his mouth to respond when he was suddenly tugged away from Lucas. 

He looked to be surprised, but then he relaxed when he recognized the face. “No, actually, it was Lucille’s idea.” Eliott smiled down at the smaller girl. She smiled back at him as she softly grabbed his forearm. Her eyes begged for forgiveness and Eliott seemed to forgive her, and it was such an intimate moment, Lucas couldn’t help but look away in shame. He felt like a collapsing building.

He felt so silly. So silly to think that he had a chance with Eliott. Lucas was in love with Eliott. But, Eliott loved Lucille. And, Lucille loved Eliott. Who was he to ruin that for Eliott? He couldn’t help but feel his heart split in half and crumble when he saw Eliott put his arms around Lucille’s shoulders. 

He felt so cold.

Lucas ripped his gaze away from the couple and stared at the daisy fields. 

Lucas doesn’t remember when exactly he fell in love with Eliott. 

Was it the day when his father left Lucas alone to care for his ill mother? 

Lucas forgot how to function that day. How did he even breathe easy before that? He cried and cried into the crook of Eliott’s shoulder. And, Eliott would just carelessly throw wet kisses starting from the side of Lucas’ red cheeks to his ear and whisper, “Everything will be okay. I’m here. Please stop crying, Lucas.” And, that just made Lucas sob even harder, his chest heaving and his breath’s unrelenting. And, Eliott would just hug Lucas tighter and rock them back and forth.

Was it today? 

When the skies were hues of orange and pink, and the clouds were like cotton candy? It was quite a contrast to Lucas’s mind, which seemed to be ridden with dark grey skies and monstrous clouds. Every once in a while, a breeze made the leaves of the trees dance and the daisies toss their heads. The daisies were so beautiful. 

Lucas shivered, and goosebumps covered his arms. Eliott noticed and offered Lucas his sweater. Lucas eventually succumbed to Eliott’s offer, for Lucas always hated the cold. 

Lucas quickly threw it on while avoiding Eliott’s eyes. He hugged his body and tucked his chin to his chest. He would then feel the cotton sweater's collar on his chin, and he would realize that this was Eliott’s sweater. And, his heart would jump for joy and hit his ribs with so much force while letting out the loudest squeals. Lucas almost feared that Eliott would hear it. 

Finally, he spared a glance at Eliott’s direction and eventually couldn’t fight back against the smile. And, Eliott softly smiled back at him and told Lucas not to forget to give his sweater back tomorrow. Lucas let out a dangerous laugh and punched the older boy’s shoulder almost too harshly. 

Eliott laughed loudly and dramatically grabbed Lucas’ shoulders, pulled Lucas inside his arms, and squeezed him so tight until Lucas forgot how to breathe. And, then, Eliott jokingly whispered: 

“Never take it off, Lucas. Not even Lucille can come close to how beautiful you are in my sweater, swear to god.” 

And, then, Lucas would be reminded about Lucille. And, how Eliott pined for her so long. How much he adored her. What he would do for her. How he looks at her with eyes overflowing with mesmerization, adoration, and undeniable and unconditional love for her.

Lucas would then be reminded that Eliott loves Lucille, and Lucille loves Eliott, and Lucas didn’t even stand a chance. Lucas would realize how much he yearned to be her. To be the heart of Eliott’s devotion. To be the reason for Eliott’s smiles. To be the muse behind his artwork.

Lucas doesn’t remember exactly when he fell in love with Eliott. But, one thing he knows for sure is that he loves everything about Eliott. And, no matter how much it hurts to admit, Lucille is perfect for Eliott. More than what Lucas could be. So, how could he even hate her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so that took longer than a week. I apologize. It is hard to write a story while being a college student! I'm not really the proudest about this, but I tried my hardest. 
> 
> I hope you guys had a great halloween! please leave some kudos and comments, they are greatly appreciated! 
> 
> ~rebecca


	3. lucas

december 9

The worst thing is: Lucas can’t hate Lucille. She is compassionate and smart, and she clearly adores everything about Eliott. 

Every time Eliott is down, she never fails to be there for him. She makes him his favorite mint tea, hugs him under his comforters, and runs her fingers through his hair while humming along to the most beautiful melodies.

She looks at him like he is the sun, and he looks at her like she’s the moon. And, without the sun and the moon, there is no day and night. And, without day and night, there is no light and dark. And, without light and dark, there is only an abyss. There is no balance. The world has no function. 

Without Lucille, Eliott has no balance. And, without Eliott, Lucille has no function. With each other, balance is maintained, and Lucas can’t compete with that. He can’t just barge in and break that balance. 

Because imbalances have consequences. A blood clot embedded in the arteries of your heart has dire consequences. An imbalance can lead to a heart attack, which can lead to death. 

Without Lucille, Eliott would break. On the floor would be a million pieces of his shattered heart. So, Lucas can’t be the one to break that balance. 

Besides, they’re nearly perfect for each other. Anyone who looks at them can tell you that they are perfect for each other. 

But this doesn’t stop Lucas from dreaming: dreaming of him with Eliott, of him kissing him softly on the lips, only breaking from the kiss to breathe. He would tell Lucas that he loves him, and Lucas would say it back almost immediately. 

But, as Lucas watches Eliott smile down at Lucille as he wraps his arm around her frail shoulders, he is startled by a deep voice. “Your eyes. They tell stories.”

Lucas jumps and turns around to face the voice. He was relatively handsome and tall. He has wild, curly blonde hair and blue eyes decorated with specks of green. His nose and cheeks were dotted with freckles, and he had the most sweetest smile. He had looked familiar. Maybe, he saw him once on the tram or perhaps, in one of his classes. 

The taller boy had a camera hanging from his neck, and he wore an ugly, yellow sweatshirt and the silliest green socks with four-leaf clovers. 

The stranger sends him a goofy smile. “Sorry. I just couldn’t help but talk to you. You’re absolutely gorgeous, by the way.” He scratches the back of his head. 

Lucas felt the blood rush to his cheeks. He didn’t even know what to say to his Dad when they had lunch together, let alone a cute stranger complimenting him. Compliments were sparse for Lucas. The only people who ever gave him compliments were Mika and Eliott, and sometimes the girls. 

“What do you mean?” The taller boy looks confused for a split second but then conjures up an answer.

“I mean, I’m going to sound incredibly cheesy, but hear me out. I could listen to you ramble about the most boring shit ever to exist, yet still, be so immersed by those eyes.” The stranger ridiculously smiles as Lucas laughs. 

After the laughter dims down and all they could hear was the gusts of the wind, Lucas finally breaks the silence. “Okay mister Shakespeare. What are they saying now?” 

The stranger steps in front of Lucas, blocking his view of Eliott. Lucas awkwardly smiles as the stranger tilts his head as he thinks. 

“I’ll have to think about it.” He responds and shamelessly raises his camera to face Lucas. And Lucas wants to hide, but surprisingly, he smiles at the camera. A great big smile that Lucas hopes reaches his eyes. But, there is no snap; instead, the stranger lowers the camera. “Don’t smile; just relax and don’t look at me. Pretend I’m not here.” 

It’s not every day that a handsome stranger approaches you, compliments your eyes, and then pulls out a camera to take a photo of you. 

Lucas wants to run to Eliott and beg him to take him home, but he listens. He looks away from the stranger, and looks at the distance, and feels waves of awkwardness wash over him. 

His eyes finally land on Eliott again. He watches as Eliott smiles at something Lucille said. He has her on his skateboard. And, she’s visibly unsteady as she grabs onto Eliott’s shoulders while he laughs as she screams when he lets go of her waist. 

And Lucas imagines himself in Lucille’s place and wonders how Eliott’s hands would feel on the skin of his waist. He wonders if Eliott would smile the same way for him as he does with Lucille. He supposes Eliott could love him as much as he loves her. 

He rips his eyes away from the couple and faces the stranger again. “Am I getting paid for this?” The stranger tosses his head back and laughs loudly, catching Eliott’s attention from a distance. But, Lucas doesn’t notice that. 

“How about I take you on a date? Coffee. On me.” He compromises. And, Lucas thinks long and hard. 

“No.” He finally says. The stranger fakes a wounded noise and wipes fake tears making Lucas giggle. “I hate coffee!” Lucas exclaims. “Plus, I don’t even know your name.” 

“Will my answer change your mind?” He asks. 

Lucas stares at him in wonder. How can one be this confident? “Maybe.” 

The stranger softly smiles and steps closer to Lucas. “Julian.” He slightly drops the camera so that it is hanging from his neck again. “And your name?”

Lucas opened his mouth to answer when another voice suddenly jumped in, “Lucas!” He turns away from Julian and watches as Eliott jogs over to the two boys. 

He slows down after reaching them and then looks at Julian for a split second, his expression akin to aggravation. “Are you ready to go?” He asked. Lucas nods and turns back to Julian and sends him what Lucas hopes to be an apologetic look. He turns to follow Eliott when suddenly a hand grabs his shoulder. 

“Wait!” Julian starts. Lucas hears Eliott dramatically sigh behind him, but he doesn’t know why. 

“Can I have your number?” Julian asks. Lucas freezes up, and Julian seems to take notice. “I mean you don’t have to, of course, but I know a killer cafe. And we don’t have to have coffee! They have killer sandwiches, and I’m sure they have other drinks besides coffee? Do you like hot chocolate?” Julian stutters over his words, nervously pulling the collar of his yellow sweatshirt. 

Lucas thinks again. Hot chocolate is okay. Only when it’s 95% chocolate and 5% milk, though. He and milk are not friends.

Eliott silently mumbles an answer instead, “He hates hot chocolate.” Lucas glances over to Eliott, whose eyebrows are furrowed and lips pursed in a frown. And then he glances back at Julian, who seems to be beaming again. 

“They have killer hot chocolate! If you ask, they can mix in a shot of dark rum. But you did not hear that from me. You’re going to love it-” 

“He didn’t even say yes, man.” Eliott, himself, looks shocked that those words came out of his mouth. Lucas sends him a questionable glare, but he looks away immediately and crosses his arm against his chest. 

He nearly forgets that Julian is awaiting an answer. Why not go? He can’t pine over Eliott forever. Eliott is four years strong in a relationship with Lucille. Lucas needs to get over him eventually. And, maybe Julian is the answer to his problems. Possibly, he can be his “Eliott.” He seems to be sweet. He has friendly eyes and a nice smile. Plus, he seems to be interested in him. And, Lucas doesn’t have guys waiting in line to date him, so why not? 

So, Lucas agrees. “Yeah, I’ll go. Only because of that remarkable description of the hot chocolate, though.” Julian claps his hands together and laughs. They exchange numbers and then depart, leaving in opposite directions.

Lucas walked alongside Eliott towards the direction of the tram. Eliott who seemed to be in a terrible mood. And Lucas wanted to ask him why, but Eliott didn’t seem to be up for a conversation. So, he awkwardly shuts his mouth and shoves his hands in his pockets. 

“Are you actually going on a date with him?” 

Lucas looks over to Eliott, who was staring at the distance. “Yeah, why not?” 

“Because he’s an asshole!” Eliott exclaims. 

Lucas furrows his eyebrows, “How is he an asshole?” 

Eliott finally looks at Lucas and sighs. “Because he hangs out with Ethan.” 

Lucas remembers Mika mentioning a Julian in the car. He was supposed to accompany him to the festival. “How does that make him an asshole?” 

Eliott looks at Lucas in disbelief. Lucas wants to smack that look off his face because the only time someone shows interest in him, Eliott suddenly has a problem? “Because anyone who willingly chooses to hang out with him, let alone room with that asshole, is an asshole himself.” Eliott explains. 

“That’s not true. Mika is not an asshole, and he’s dating Ethan.” 

Eliott abruptly stops and groans. “You’re not listening to me. I know guys like them. At first, they’re all innocent and sweet to you, and then once they get you wrapped around their finger...they snap.-” 

“Julian won’t be like that.”

“You don’t even know him!” Eliott yells. 

“You don’t know him either!” Lucas is frustrated. What makes Eliott think he can just interfere in his dating life like this? 

Lucas never interfered when Lucille broke up with Eliott in the middle of a depressive episode because it got “too much.” Lucas was the one to pick up the broken pieces and build him up again. 

He never interfered when both of them found her kissing a guy that was not Eliott in the middle of a skatepark. Lucas was the one who held him while he cried. 

He never interfered when Lucille came to Eliott’s apartment, crying in his arms, telling him that she’s sorry and begging for him to take her back. And, then, bang! Lucas was forgotten. Like he never even existed.

He never interfered in their relationship, so what makes Eliott think he can interfere with his dating life? 

“Besides, it’s not like I have a line of guys waiting to date me. Julian. He seems nice. For fucksake Elliot, it’s not like I’m marrying him! It’s just a date.” 

Eliott scoffed. “You’re a lot of things, Lucas, but I’ve never pegged you as being stupid until now.” 

Lucas is fuming. He wants to scream at Eliott. He wants to tell him to leave. To never talk to him again. To hit him where it hurts, both physically and figuratively. But instead, he just sighs and starts walking again. “Whatever, can we just drop it?”

And they did. They walked to their bus stop in silence and then sat next to each other while waiting for the bus.

The tension didn’t dissipate, though. Lucas could practically hear the war of thoughts in Eliott’s mind. Lucas wanted to ask what was wrong, but instead, he cowards out. 

He blinks at Eliott as he slumps his shoulder and takes a deep breath. “What happened to Lucille anyway? You guys seemed to be having a blast.” He hopes that didn’t sound sarcastic. 

Eliott seems to tense again and blinks at Lucas. “I told her we wanted to hang out alone.” Lucas looks at him in confusion. “Do you want to hang out?” Eliott looks embarrassed. He looks away from Lucas and instead stares at an elderly couple to their left. They were huddled together, almost like they were protecting each other from the harsh cold.

The smaller lady smiled up at the man as he draped his coat over her shoulders. If Mika were with them, he would be gushing at them, telling them how cute they were. 

“What would we do?” Lucas asks. They haven’t hung out in a while. The last time they hung out, Lucille was with them. It was Lucas’ birthday, and Eliott had the bright idea of baking a coconut cake. It was Lucille’s favorite cake, so she excitedly agreed right away. 

However, Lucas was hurt. It wasn’t until they finished making it, Eliott realized Lucas was allergic to coconut. He apologized profusely and tried to make up for it by ordering Chinese food from Lucas’ favorite restaurant. Lucas would have forgiven him if the food came, but their call was left unanswered. And, when they searched the restaurant online, bright red words were screaming “closed permanently.” The night would’ve been named his worst birthday ever until Yann, Arthur, and Basile saved the night with pizza and beers. 

“What we usually do, I guess. I have some beers in the kitchen.” He was interrupted by the sound of the bus coming to a stop in front of them. “We could smoke too. And, I have leftover Chinese if we get hungry.” he added. Lucas nodded, and Eliott seemed to brighten up by that. 

The bus ride to Eliott’s apartment was comfortable. He listened to Eliott as he rambled about the film project he’s working on. He rambled about his and Idriss’s search for a whole cast. They also needed a cameraman to replace their old one who dropped out of the class. 

It was cut short when the bus finally came to their stop. They walked, side to side, to Eliott’s apartment. It was cold and windy out. Not only that, but it was pitch dark and eerily quiet. Lucas couldn’t stop looking behind him, paranoid someone was following them. Lucas wanted anything but to be murdered, so he took Eliott by the hand.

Lucas rolled his eyes as Eliott smirked at him. “Is Lucas Lallemant scared of the dark?” 

Lucas scoffed. “Of course not, I am not a child. My hands were just cold.” 

Eliott laughed and held his hand tighter while pulling him closer to his side. “Don’t worry, Lulu. I’ll protect you from the scary monsters hiding in the dark.” 

Lucas laughed at Eliott, whose smile seemed to have gotten impossibly more giant. “Protect me? The only one who needs protecting is you, Eliott. You were scared of Ouba the first time you met her!” 

“Please, we both know that the one who needs more protection is you. You’re so tiny! Any kidnapper could easily pick you up. Even a child!” 

Lucas glared at Eliott. “Firstly, I am not that tiny. Secon-” 

“You’re barely 140 pounds! Tiny.” He argues back. 

Lucas groans and tries to let go of Eliott’s hand, but Eliott tightened their grip. Lucas couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as he stared up at Eliott, who was smiling right back down at him. 

Unfortunately, they had to let go of each other so Eliott could pull his keys out of his pocket. He opened the door and motioned Lucas to walk in first. He watched as Eliott pulled off his and threw it on the counter before turning to face Lucas and nodding to the living area. 

His apartment barely changed. It still smelled of coffee and cigarette smoke. The floors were clean, yet slightly dusty. The tables were cluttered with empty, coffee mugs and papers. And, the walls were plastered with various sketches, photos, and posters. There was a record player in the left corner next to the television, scratched up yet still in good condition. Next to it was a black and white piano, previously owned and prized by Lucas. 

Lucas used to play the piano all the time. When he was little, his mom would teach him silly, old tunes that Lucas loved. And, as he got older, he wanted to learn more challenging and advanced pieces. So, after much convincing, his mom and his Dad hired a piano instructor to teach him. 

But, after his mom got ill and the hospital visits became more frequent. They couldn’t afford to keep paying for his lessons. Lucas pretended to lose interest in piano so his father wouldn’t feel guilty. That didn’t stop him from playing, though. 

He would play when his mom was happy. He would play when she was sad. When she was buried deep in a catatonic state. And she loved it. But, it got to the point where him playing the piano was not enough for his mother. 

Lucas was too young to take care of her on his own. So, his father brought her to a facility and then, it was just him and his father for a while. Until, he found some younger woman, nearly Lucas’ age, and then knocked her up. 

In a drunken mess, Lucas stumbled his ass out of the house and found his way into a gay bar, where he drank even more alcohol. He met Mika there, who was lovely and kind-hearted. He gave him a glass of water and rubbed Lucas’ back as he stupidly cried. He offered to take him back home. But he noticed Lucas' shoulders tense. So, he offered him a place to stay, and Lucas immediately accepted the offer. 

There was no room in the apartment for his piano, and he was sure as hell not going to leave it at his Dad’s, so he gave it to Eliott. 

“When was the last time you played?” 

Lucas jumped and then turned towards Eliott, who stood under the doorway. He held a case of beer in his left hand and a joint cradled in his other hand. “A year ago. I played for Mika’s little nieces’ birthday.” He explained. 

He watched as Eliott walked past him and put the case of beer on the table, and sat down on the bench. He looked expectantly at Lucas and waved him over. Eventually, he sat next to Eliott, who softly smiled at Lucas. Lucas could feel his whole body warm-up. 

Eliott grabbed the lighter that sat on top of the piano, placed the joint in his mouth, and lit it. He looked up at Lucas as he blew out the smoke. 

He nodded at the piano and nudged at Lucas’ shoulder. “Play something.” 

“I don’t know.” Lucas started. “It’s been a while.” 

Eliott shrugged. “You know I never heard you once play the piano?” Lucas looked up at him and away from the piano sheets. “I always heard from Mika, and the boys talk about how amazing you were, yet I, one of your best friends, never heard you play.” 

Lucas raised his eyebrows at Eliott. “I never heard you play either.” He refuted. 

“That’s not true! I played you the Star Wars theme song once.” Eliott argued, his forehead wrinkling. He took another drag from the joint as Lucas laughed joyfully.

“Yeah, and don’t forget that ridiculous cover of Fur Elise.” Eliott guffawed and nearly shoved Lucas off the bench. They laughed until their stomachs ached and until their throats were begged for oxygen. 

“I think I deserve one song.” Eliott said. 

Lucas tilted his head at Eliott and smiled. “Just one.” He compromised. And then, there was silence. Silence like the calm after a storm. Tense silence filled the room as Lucas thought about each song he learned to play, and then he knew.

The silence was ended by a gratifying sound as Lucas lightly ran his fingers over the smooth, ivory keys. 

As each note passed by faster and faster, the vibrations prickled at his skin and traveled throughout his whole body as if there was lightning trapped in his body. 

Lightning powerful enough to light up expanses of the pitch black, night sky. Lightning immensely seeped into his body and gradually dispersed throughout the veins of his fingers until the thunder of the keys came. 

He carefully weaved every note with such beauty and grace that Lucas could feel himself falling deep into the melody like he was in a deep slumber. 

Yet he felt so alive as he played. 

Slowly yet so mesmerizing, the beautiful noise flooded the room and made Lucas feel almost drowsy. He lifted his head and looked up at Eliott, who was looking at Lucas with a look akin to curiosity and surprise. 

The older boy softly smiled at him in encouragement; some smoke seeping between his lips. Lucas directed his attention back to the black instrument as he let the music take over his body. His fingers were quickly dancing over the keys like a pebble skipping over a lake. 

Finally, his fatigued fingers engaged the last keys. As the last melody played, he could feel the lightning exit his veins until it was replaced by pure exhaustion and relief.

He released a breath of air as he glanced up at Eliott again, whose eyes were glazed with amazement. 

“That was crazy.” Eliott finally said. 

Lucas felt the heat rush to his cheeks. “Yeah well, it’s no Star Wars theme, but.” 

Eliott softly smiled at him, he could feel his heart leap out of his chest. “You’re surprising.” He started. “I like people who are surprising.” 

And, this time, the silence was serenity. He didn’t notice how close they were until now. So close that their arms were touching, setting off goosebumps that covered his arms. And, it was like Eliott knew about his effect on Lucas. His gaze made Lucas feel insecure, yet so safe and loved. 

He felt Eliott’s hand on his cheek: so warm. Eliott always radiated off so much warmth, so much that Lucas would rather hug him then use a blanket. He longed to be enveloped in his arms. And, then, he leaned forward until their lips were centimeters apart, the anticipation wearing them thin. 

Until there was a knock that pulled them apart. Eliott looked caught as he quickly stood up, Lucas quickly following after. He felt like apologizing, but Eliott grabbed the case of beer, heading towards the kitchen, and shoving it back into the fridge. 

He then watched as Eliott headed towards the door, first fixing his hair in the mirror and then opening the door. And then he was reminded, reminded of why Eliott looked so scared. He was scared of Lucille, the love of his life, seeing him and Lucas so close together. 

Waves of embarrassment filled his body as he observed them hugging. His pity fest did not last long as his phone buzzed. 

Unknown Caller (23.22)  
hey lucas! It’s julian. I hope you don’t mind me texting so late! I was just wondering if you were free on friday afternoon? maybe, I can take you out to the cafe and hopefully see a movie? It was amazing meeting you, by the way. i hope to talk to you soon! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do I love angst so much? someone teach me how to write a chapter with zero angst, please. 
> 
> so, I was seriously considering deleting this work yesterday, but then suddenly I got into the writing mood. so, here is chapter 2. 
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! thank you for reading. 
> 
> -rebecca


	4. lucas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clouds, coconut cakes, anniversaries, and the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you read the new tags? I feel evil. :D

december 11 

lucas

(past)

It was a sunny day. 

The birds were happily singing and dancing as if to music across the cloudy, blue sky. The sun was bright and yellow, and radiated off so much warmth that Lucas, who was seemingly never warm, didn’t have to wear a winter coat. 

Days like these reminded Lucas of when he was twelve and Eliott was thirteen, and they didn’t know anyone but each other as they laid on the ground and gazed at the clouds. 

He would gaze up at the sky and brood until his thoughts ran dry, and he could finally breathe easy. The warmth of the sun falling onto him and blanketing his skin, like the rain from the sky. 

He would stare up at the bright white and fluffy clouds, taking on shapes of silly characters and wonky figures.

“What does that one look like to you?” Eliott asked. 

Lucas looked beside him and saw Eliott, nearly forgetting he was there. The sun gleamed on his skin and filtered through his wispy, brown hair, making him look like he was made out of gold. His eyes glistened with moisture and displayed an unrivaled reflection of the blue sky. His left arm pointed at the sky as he nodded his chin, prompting Lucas to look back at the sky. The cloud was a peculiar shape. Lucas didn’t know what to say. 

“It looks like a cloud,” Lucas sarcastically said. He felt the older boy gently push his shoulder away and heard him let out a boisterous laugh. It was silent for a minute until they were interrupted by the sound of a small kid screaming, then joyfully laughing. “What do you think it looks like?” He finally asked Eliott, looking over at the older boy. 

The older boy softly smiled as he stared up at the sky in silence until he finally answered. “It looks like a harp.” 

Lucas snorted. “Of course, that’s what you see.” Eliott sat up into a seating position and leaned forward above Lucas, each hand beside Lucas’ shoulders. The position made Lucas freeze up and stare up at Eliott in shock. 

The older boy seemed unaffected as he smiled down at Lucas. “You know what the harp symbolizes, right?” Lucas couldn’t help but smile back up at him. 

“No, what does it symbolize?” He asked, genuinely interested in his answer. Eliott laid down on his forearms until his chest was blanketing Lucas’ and their foreheads were nearly touching. 

“It represents a bridge of love,” The older boy started. His eyes shone with excitement as he stared down at Lucas. “My teacher once told me about it,” he explained. “The strings of the harp are like a ladder, you know? And, as you climb up the ladder, you hit milestones,” he was silent until he finished his thought. “It symbolizes the journey to true love. The more you climb, the closer you are to true love.” 

Lucas thought about what Eliott said, long and hard. “Are some ladders shorter than others?” He asked. 

“No. I think the ascent to true love is equal for everyone. We all get there at the same time, eventually.” Eliott explained. “But, it’s a question of willpower and strength. You got to work towards true love. It won’t just come knocking on your door, you know? Some steps of the ladder are going to be broken, it’s inevitable. You just got to recognize that these hardships aren’t permanent. You can fix a broken step, no? And, once you mend it, your love is stronger, and you are one step closer to being one. But, if you put no effort into fixing your relationship, the ladder is eventually going to break into pieces until it’s unfixable. How are you going to climb a broken ladder?” 

Lucas stared up at Eliott whose eyes kept darting from his lips to his eyes. “I don’t think it’s a question of willpower.” He watched as Eliott’s eyebrows’ furrowed as he stared down at Lucas. “I don’t think you should feel obligated to fix a relationship. If you truly love somebody, you wouldn’t mind the obstacles because the obstacles come with love. It’s like a package deal. You cannot claim to love something but then loathe its counterparts. You shouldn’t feel forced to fix what is already broken when you don’t want to. You got to want to fix it.” Lucas explained. 

Eliott snorted. “You know what’s crazy?

Lucas gazed up at the older boy. “What?” He asked. 

“That, out of everyone in the whole world, someone chooses you to fall in love with. It’s like being a twinkling star amongst a billion other stars in a constellation. Somehow, someone saw the good in you, and decided that they want to spend the rest of their lives with you.” Lucas' heart burned with hope. 

“Have you ever been in love, Lucas?” The smaller boy shrugged. “I have.” Eliott’s eyes shimmered as he muttered those words, his pupils dilating as he observed the boy under him. Lucas felt like squirming under his intense gaze.

Lucas laughed. “You’re thirteen! Who are you falling love with, Eliott?” The older boy ignored Lucas, as he moved impossibly closer to the smaller boy. 

“Is it that girl from your first class?” Lucas asked. 

Lucas watched as Eliott’s forehead wrinkled. “Lucille?” Lucas nodded. “No! I mean she’s cute and all, but I don’t know. I like someone else.” 

Lucas could feel his heart beating so quickly. “Who?” 

Eliott opened his mouth to respond until their conversation was cut short by a loud ringing noise coming from his jean pockets. He made no move to answer it, though, and instead, he stared deeply into Lucas’ eyes. 

“Ask me again in four years.” 

____________________________________________________________________________

(present) 

Lucas woke up on his couch. He was still wearing his clothes from the night before. His jeans were stained with an unusual substance, and his shirt was wrinkled. 

After laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling for a couple of minutes, Lucas finally conjured up enough energy to get off the couch. His movements were sluggish and slow as he headed towards the kitchen. 

“Good morning, sleepy bum!” Lucas groaned at the sight of Mika in the kitchen. He was sitting on the kitchen counter, waiting for his coffee to finish brewing while eating a biscuit. “Uh oh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the couch!” Mika exclaimed as he hopped off the counter and skipped towards the coffee machine. 

Lucas groaned as he rested his forearms on the counter and rubbed his forehead. “Why are you in such a good mood this morning, Mika? It’s too early for enthusiasm.” 

“Because my dear friend! Someone very, very special is having their four-year-anniversary tomorrow, and I, your dearest guru, have called dibs on making the cake!” 

Lucas is reminded of the big day tomorrow: Eliott’s and Lucille’s fourth anniversary. Eliott initially planned to take Lucille to her favorite restaurant. However, the idea was immediately rejected by Lucille. Lucille wanted to have a party, a big one. Eliott hesitantly agreed after much convincing from Lucille. 

Lucas wanted to scoff and tell Mika that there was no way in hell he would make that cake. “Do I have any say in this?” He asked. 

“Of course not! Come on; it’s going to be fun! You said you always wanted to make a cake with me!”

Lucas scoffed as he straightened his back. “I have never said that.” 

“What did I say again?” Mika asked.

“That I wanted to make a cake with you,” Lucas responded. 

Mika smiled widely as he poured milk into his coffee. “Of course, you can make a cake with me, Lucas! I’m glad you asked.” 

Lucas groaned as Mika laughed evilly. “What kind of cake are we even making?” 

“Coconut cake! So, don’t lick your fingers, baby gay. Unless you want to die!” 

“Don’t tempt me, Mika. Sounds like a good way to get off going to that party.”

Mika wholeheartedly laughed as he walked towards the pantry, whipping out all the ingredients for the cake. “We have to make the cake now, though, because we are also doing the decorating. Busy days are yet to come, Lulu!” 

“They’re having the party here?” Lucas asked, swiping his hair out of his face. 

Mika nodded. “Yes, Eliott’s apartment is way too messy to be used for a party. So, I suggested our apartment.” The older boy said this like it was no big deal. 

Lucas raised his eyebrows. “And why did you suggest having a party here?” He muttered under his breath. 

“Because of hospitality, Lucas!” 

Lucas watched as Mika took out the flour, baking powder, baking soda, coconut sugar, vanilla powder, cinnamon, and coconut flakes from the pantry. He then walked over to the fridge and took out the milk, eggs, butter, and sour cream. 

“Okay, you put together the wet ingredients. And, I’ll mix the dry ingredients.” Mika told Lucas. 

Lucas has never made a cake. He has watched many people, including his mother, bake a cake. But, he has never made a cake. So, saying he had no idea what to do would be an accurate statement.

He grabbed a whisk and a measuring cup from their respective cabinets and carefully placed it on the counter. Confused on what to do next, he looked over to Mika, who had already finished measuring the flour. 

Lucas grabbed the milk, screwed off the cap, and poured it into the bowl. A lot of it. 

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Lulu?” Mika laughed, raising his eyebrows at Lucas. 

The younger boy scoffed. “Of course, I know what I am doing,” Lucas exclaimed as he cracked three eggs in the milk mixture. “I know how to bake just fine!” 

Mika clicked his tongue. “Are you sure?” 

Lucas nodded and sent a mean look to Mika. “Don’t worry about it, Mika!” 

Mika’s eyebrows raised impossibly higher at Lucas. “Really? Because, the last time I had one of your baking concoctions, I was trapped in the bathroom for weeks.” 

Lucas flushed at the mention. “That happened a year ago!” He added a whole stick of butter to the mixture, avoiding Mika’s eyes. “I am the master of baking now!” 

“If you were the master of baking, then you would know that this cake requires five egg whites, not three eggs. And, a cup of coconut milk, not four cups of coconut milk.” The older smirked at Lucas, enjoying the way the blood rushed to his cheeks. 

“Oh, I am sorry. I didn’t know you were the baking police, Mika! Are you going to throw me in jail just for a little extra milk?” Lucas muttered, continuing to mix the mixture vigorously. 

Mika guffawed. “No one likes soggy cake!” 

“Says who?” He curtly says. 

“Says everyone.” 

“They know nothing about what good cake tastes like! Only the master of baking holds the highest state of knowledge.” Lucas shot back, enjoying the way Mika playfully scowled at him. 

“Okay, master of baking. I’ll just leave you alone to fini-” 

“No!” Mika snorted, placing his hands on his hips while narrowing his eyes at Lucas. “Ok, fine! I have no idea what I am doing. Happy now?” 

Mika headed towards the cabinet, pulling out a new bowl and handing it to Lucas. He smiled at Lucas, giving him a side hug. “Bouncing off the walls!” 

__________________________________________________________________________

The next day was chaotic. 

He had set up white banners and red balloons all over the living room. Around the windows were blinking white fairy lights that were so bright that Lucas could feel a migraine approaching. And, if someone thought there were not enough lights, there was a ginormous Christmas tree standing in the corner of the room. Small, twinkling lights on the tree in shades of gold and red wrapped around the tree, making it look very festive. On the very top of the tree was a sparkling, yellow star that demanded constant attention. 

The apartment smelled of sweet coconut cake and cinnamon nutmeg. There were bottles of champagne and wine scattered all around the dining room table, along with the fanciest wine glasses Lucas has ever seen. 

Soon enough, the apartment was bustling with everyone that was invited. Lucas didn’t recognize anyone, especially those who were friends with Lucille, who seemed to take over most people there. The only people there Lucas recognized were a few of Eliott’s friends, his friends, and, unfortunately, Ethan. Lucille and Eliott were the only two people missing, which was quite odd because who is late to their own party?

Everyone appeared to be happy, though, which seemed to make Mika overjoyed. 

“Enjoying the party?” 

Lucas turned his head to face Yann. “Of course I am!” Lucas grabbed his drink, taking a big swig. “It would be nicer if Eliott was attending his own party, though,” Lucas added, watching the smirk play on Yann’s face. 

“Why? Are we not enough for you, Lulu?” He replied. 

Lucas shrugged half-heartedly and snorted. “Not nearly enough.”

Yann grinned at the smaller boy. “Shame, I was going to offer you some shitty beer that Basile brought, but I don’t think you deserve it.” 

Lucas snorted. “I am going to get one, anyhow.” He took another sip of his wine as he side-eyed the door, waiting for Eliott to walk in finally. 

“Is that so?” Yann challenged Lucas, clicking his tongue. 

Basile came stumbling between them, with a case of beer in his hand. “What are you two talking about?” He widely grinned at Lucas, pulling out a can, and handing it to him. 

Yann sent a glare at an unsuspecting Basile as Lucas laughed at the expression akin to terror. “You’re a damn enabler, Basile.” 

Basile squawked loudly, attracting attention from other groups of people. Lucas flushed at the attention. “How?” He asked. 

“Because Lucas is a grumpy, depressed brat right now. And, now he’s going to be a drunken, grumpy, depressed brat.” 

“Hey! I’m right here, you know?” Lucas nearly shouted, glancing at the door again. 

“Who are you waiting to burst through the doors, Lulu?” Basile asked, ruffling up his hair.  
Lucas scowled at him, fixing what Basile messed up. 

“I am waiting for the perfect chance to pull down the fire alarm to get everyone out of here, that’s what I am waiting for.” Lucas muttered under his breath. 

And, then the door finally opened. Eliott and Lucille walked in with beaming smiles plastered on their faces. The whole apartment filled with cheers as everyone gathered around the newly-arrived couple. Lucas could hear the sounds of laughter from Eliott as Idriss tried to pick him up, resulting in him knocking over a poor girl from Lucille’s friend group. 

Eliott shoved Idriss away as he laughed and looked over to Lucille, who was talking to her friends. Lucas watched as he walked over to her, softly smiling, and kissed her. His big hands were enveloping her cheeks as he deepened the kiss. It felt intimate, too intimate. Lucas felt like an intruder. 

Lucas ripped his stare away from the crowd and back to Yann, who was already staring at him. The younger boy smiled at the taller boy and took another swig from the can until it was empty. He directed his attention back to Basile, who was arguing with Arthur about some girl in biology. 

“I’m telling you! She’s obsessed with me. Every time I get up, she stares at me like she’s in love with me.” Basile rants. Arthur snorts while adjusting his glasses. 

“No girl would be willingly obsessed with you, Basile.” Yann laughed. “You sure you didn’t have toilet paper stuck on your jeans?” 

Basile threw one of the couch pillows at Yann, who in turn glared at him. “That’s not true! Britt from homeroom was obsessed with me. She never failed to ask me how my day was!” Basile explained. 

Yann rolled his eyes and threw the pillow back at Basile, who yelped. “Britt was the school’s therapist, you idiot! Of course, she would ask how your day was.” 

“Ha!” Basile yelled out in victory. “So, you admit a girl was obsessed with me!” 

Both Arthur and Yann groaned at Basile, who was sitting on the couch with a wide grin. 

“Name one reason why a girl would be obsessed with you, Basile?” Arthur questioned. 

Basile squared his shoulders while lifting his chin high in the air. “Clearly because of my undeniably good looks.” 

Arthur sniggered. “It’s true!” Basile defended himself. He looked at Lucas with hopeful eyes. “Back me up, Lucas.” 

“Why would I back you up?” Lucas asked. 

“Because you’re gay!” 

Lucas chortled. “Basile, man. You’re not my type.” 

Basile deviously smiled at Lucas. “What even is your type, anyway?” 

“Lucas likes tall, pretty boys with messy brown hair and a sweet smile.” Yann told Basile. 

“You describing yourself, Yann?” Basile retorted. Yann threw his head back and groaned as Arthur laughed. “Actually, it kind of sounds like you’re describing Eliott, Yann!” And, then Yann’s face twisted with confusion as Arthur looked behind them to stare at Eliott. 

“Shut up, Basile.” Lucas whispered-shouted.

“What?” Basile looked confused, looking between Yann and Arthur. “Do you have a crush on Eliott, Lulu?” 

“No, Basile. He is my best friend.” Lucas sternly said. 

“So?” Basile started, laying down on the back of his couch. “Eliott is my friend and I love him!” 

“That’s nice, Basile.” Basile smiled at Lucas. Lucas couldn’t help but feel his heart tear into two. 

The party went by quickly. 

By 23:00, most of the party-goers were either gone or about the leave. The once cramped apartment was now comfortably silent, yet Lucas couldn’t breathe as he watched Eliott and Lucille cuddle on the couch. 

He felt so guilty. Why does he feel like this? 

“Are you okay?” Lucas lifted his eyes from the ground and stared at Mika, who looked at him with concern.

Lucas nodded and sent Mika a soft smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m fine. Just seeing and talking to a lot of people got me exhausted, I guess.” Mika smiled at him. “I think I’m going to go outside, get some fresh air.” 

“Do you want me to come?” Mika asked. He looked so sincere, Lucas felt even more guilty for keeping a secret from him. He wanted to cry and tell him that he is love with-

Instead, he shook his head and slowly got off the couch. He walked towards the balcony door and opened it. The gust of cold air enveloped him, making him shiver immensely. He felt sobered up, awake.

He sat down on the black, creaky balcony chair and stared. Stared at the night sky and thought and thought and thought. 

There were expanses of stars scattered across the night sky. Lucas loved the stars. 

Ever since he was a little boy, he and his mother would lay down on a blanket covering the cold grass. His mother would make up stories about the stars, depicting them as real human beings. And, Lucas wouldn’t understand because humans are nothing like the stars. Humans are dull and boring, especially among a crowd of hundreds that look just like them. On the other hand, stars are stunning and unique. Lucas always wanted to be amongst the stars. 

But, as Lucas grew older, Lucas realized that we are just like the stars. Similar to humans, they are born, live for some time, and then they die. Some of them fade away like they never existed, to begin with. While others explode. But, in the end, stars are mortal, just like us. 

When these stars die, all their elements embedded deep in their cores are dispersed to space. They become part of the interstellar clouds composed of gas and dust. But that’s not the end of these stars. The scattered elements become the cause for new generations of many more stars. 

Just like humans, stars never truly die. Although not as bright and pretty, they still exist, their remnants live on forever, hidden in the deep black abyss. Similarly, humans are the incarnation of our ancestors who live on through us. 

Lucas heard the balcony doors creak open, yet he didn’t tear his gaze away from the sky. “Are you okay?” Wafts of champagne and coconut cake filled the empty air as Eliott neared closer to the smaller boy. 

“Why is everyone asking that?” Lucas pondered. “I’m perfectly fine.” 

From the corner of his eye, he saw Eliott raise his arms in defense as he pulled the chair from the opposite side of the balcony next to Lucas’ chair. He sat down and sighed, gazing at the sky. 

“You know what those clusters of stars look like?” Eliott asked. 

Lucas nodded his head, until he realized Eliott wasn’t looking at him. “No, what do they look like?” He turned his head towards Eliott who looked to be in deep thought. 

“A ring,” Eliott answered.

Lucas didn’t see that. “First a harp, and now a ring. Are you trying to ask me something, Eliott?” 

Eliott almost giggled and covered his mouth with his elbow while staring at Lucas with so much adoration that Lucas was sure he was shining brighter than the stars in the sky. 

“You remember that day?” Eliott asked, after recovering from his laughing fit. 

“Of course,” Lucas began. I remember every day so clearly when I’m with you.

“We were so young,” Eliott said. 

Lucas snorted. “You’re acting like it was fifty years ago.” 

“Nearly.” Eliott smiled, then tore his gaze away from Lucas, staring back at the black sky. 

And, Lucas felt those three words itching the back of his throat, begging to be released, and Lucas almost gave in. “Can I ask you something, Eliott?” 

Eliott nodded. “As long as you don’t mind if I ask you something too.” 

Lucas' heart filled with false hope, and he tried to calm it down. “You first.” Lucas said. 

Eliott shifted in his chair nervously and then looked Lucas straight in the eyes. “What do you think about me asking Lucille to marry me?” 

And then Lucas’s heart exploded as if it was a star exploding into a supernova.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> astronomer lucas makes me weak, honestly. 
> 
> Sorry for taking forever to post! I've been very busy with school work and getting some dental work done, and I end up wanting to spend my free time either hanging out with my family, friends, or by reading. But, here it is, chapter 3! 
> 
> So, I was wondering if guys would like a Harry Potter fic (with Eliott and Lucas) of course, Lucas being a Gryffindor and Eliott being a Ravenclaw. I probably want to finish this fic before I start on a new work though! 
> 
> I hope you guys like it. 
> 
> Again, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! It makes my day!
> 
> -becca


	5. lucas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back! 
> 
> I am excited to be posting this chapter and hearing about what you guys think! I tried my best to minimize the angst and add more fluff. hopefully, you enjoy. 
> 
> though, a chapter is not a chapter of mine without a cliffhanger ;)

_december 14_

_Lucas_

Lucas has only attended one wedding in his life—that wedding being for his Dad and his new wife, Nancy, who had the awful habit of spending a week’s worth of money in one day. 

Lucas doesn’t hate Nancy—he just mildly dislikes everything about her. She’s obnoxiously loud, and gossips like there is no tomorrow. She speaks so quickly that you would have to take a moment to digest what was said fully. And, she had the most annoyingly high pitched voice to ever exist.

The first time Lucas met her, it was a rainy and gloomy day. 

He just got out of his chemistry class, a bad day indeed, especially when in his hand was a research paper on hydrogen bonding that was now covered with a red, ink blotch of B- and a mediocre attempt at writing, “Nice effort!”

Any other day, Lucas would’ve been ecstatic to get a B minus on his assignments. However, he spent weeks on that paper. And, he received a B minus? Lucas swears that his teacher has some distaste towards him because his paper deserves an A-. 

When Nancy noticed his B minus, she gasped and threw her hands up in the air, exclaiming congratulations. Lucas swears that the whole cafe turned their heads to look at their table. He wanted to get up and leave right out of that dingy cafe, but his fathers’ hand on his shoulder became tighter—keeping him in place. 

Nancy nudged at his father, trying to get him to notice his ‘exceptional’ grade, but his father would just shrug and mutter, “mediocre grades will not fly by as a premed student, Lucas.” 

The thing is—Lucas doesn’t want to be a premed major. He doesn’t want to be a doctor or a surgeon, like his father. Lucas wants to study astronomy.

If Lucas could, he would live amongst the galaxies and make pillows out of the planets. But, his father wants him grounded—to be working a boring, stable job as a doctor. 

Don’t get him wrong, Lucas has no problems with doctors, he just does not want to be a doctor. The idea of working insanely long shifts with shitty breaks makes him want to burst out crying. 

His mother always supported Lucas' admiration of the stars. His father never understood him. He would shake his head at the two whenever he would spend his nights stargazing. And he would subtly roll his eyes whenever Lucas rambled too much about his favorite galaxies. But his mother, on the other hand, would stare at him with eyes brimming with adoration and devotion as she nodded at him like she was genuinely fascinated. 

The day his mother died, it was a sunny day. 

It was overwhelmingly bright, and there was not a single cloud in the sky. He accompanied his father at work, helping him with paperwork when his father got the call. 

Lucas watched as his eyebrows furrowed as he raised his calloused hands to his mouth and slightly sat down at his desk. He watched as his father sobbed, wailing into the phone while shaking his head. 

That was the first time he saw his father cry. 

The second time he saw his father cry was the day he proposed to Nancy in the cafe. He stared at his father as he knelt on one knee on the ground. Nancy gasped, raising her delicate hand to her mouth. His mothers’ hands were skinny, and dare he say, sickly pale. Nancy’s hands were a stark contrast like she hasn’t suffered once in her life. 

Lucas was forced to watch his father take the last step to moving on, while Lucas himself was trapped on the first step.

How can you climb up a staircase if all the steps are broken? 

When Eliott told him he was thinking about marrying Lucille—Lucas’ heart tore into two. 

He never wanted to be alone, yet not alone at the same time. He wanted the stars to engulf him, leaving him hidden away from any harm. He wanted the planets to surround him, protecting him from any threat. He wanted a black hole to submerge him, making him invisible. But, Lucas was not that lucky. 

Eliott looked at him expectantly, and Lucas had to force himself to exclaim, “I am so happy for you,” as numerous meteors hit and destroyed his poor heart. 

The next day was just as eventful. 

He woke up with tear-stained cheeks and a soaking wet pillow. He slowly got up and dragged himself towards the bathroom, nearly missing the way Mika sent him worrisome glances. He closed the door behind him, avoiding his reflection while turning on the shower. 

While waiting for the water to warm up, his phone vibrated on the bathroom counter, prompting Lucas to check it. 

_From Julian (9:30)_

_Hi again! It’s julian. I just wanted to check in... ask if you got my last message? once again, you’re absolutely gorgeous and i would love to take you on a date if you would give me the chance. Text me whenever you can, no pressure though._

Lucas stared at the text, the sound of the shower water pelting on the tiles as he thought about his options. He could ignore Julian and pine for Eliott for the rest of his life. Or, he could go on a date with Julian and get over his silly crush. 

Lucas is tired of waiting. Eliott does not love him. He loves Lucille, and Lucas can’t do anything about that. With that thought in mind, Lucas texted back. 

_To Julian (9:34)_

_Hey julian. Sorry for the late reply, been busy. I would love to go on a date with you. At the cafe?_

_From Julian (9:34)_

_I can’t tell how excited i was to see that you texted back! I was starting to think you purposefully gave me the wrong number. The cafe actually closed down, so we’re gonna have to be creative and find another place._

_To Julian (9:36)_

_Haha, of course not. I’ve just been busy. Oh no, i was looking forward to the hot chocolate, though!_

_From Julian (9:37)_

_I get you, life gets like that sometimes. Do you have any ideas? Favorite places locally?_

Lucas could name so many planetariums that he would want to go to, but Lucas knew nothing about Julian. Lucas is not sure the other boy would enjoy Lucas rambling about everything about stars the whole date. 

_To Julian (9:40)_

_Anywhere?_

But, there is a certain planetarium that Lucas would love to go to—Palais de la Découverte. Lucas has been begging Eliott to take him there. However, the planned trip would eventually be forgotten after so many rain checks from Eliott. 

  
  


_From Julian (9:41)_

_Anywhere._

Lucas grinned at his phone as he texted back. 

_To Julian (9:41)_

_How about Palais de la Découverte? I’ve seen pictures of the place, and it looks wonderful. I’ve always wanted to visit but never had the chance to._

Lucas placed his phone on the counter while nervously tapping his foot on the tiles, awaiting a response from the older boy. He grabbed his phone almost immediately when his phone vibrated again. 

_From Julian (9:42)_

_Wow, what a coincidence. I work there! I guide people around the planetarium. I also work to take pictures! I would love to take you there if you would like. Maybe tomorrow at 19:00? It’s closing time, but my boss loves me, so he doesn’t care what I do as long as we don’t burn the building down._

Lucas laughed out loud as he shook his head in disbelief. 

_To Julian (9:43)_

_Sounds great_

_From Julian (9:43)_

_Awesome. I’ll pick you up from your place._

*

Lucas is scared. 

He is so scared of making a fool of himself. He doesn’t want to say the wrong thing or wear the wrong clothes. 

He can’t tell Mika, because then Mika would make a big deal out of this and throw a party the next day celebrating Lucas getting ‘laid.’ He can’t tell Yann or any of the boys because they know literally nothing. And, he obviously cannot call his Dad. 

So Lucas mistakenly texts Eliott to come over. And, Eliott being Eliott, agreed right away. 

After Lucas makes the two-hundredth trip around his room, Eliott finally walks in, eyes brimming with confusion. 

Eliott walks over to Lucas, putting his hands on his shoulders. “Is everything okay?” 

Lucas sighs. “I am going on a date today.” Lucas blurts out. 

Eliott's face briefly twisted with an expression akin to jealousy, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. “With who?” 

“Julian.” Lucas answered. He watched as Eliott tore his gaze from the smaller boy to the small window next to his desk. 

“Why?” Eliott asked, placing the palm of his hand on his forehead. “I thought I told you that he’s a bad guy, Lucas! Are you joking?” He said in disbelief, shaking his head at Lucas. 

Lucas sent a glare to Eliott. “I did not invite you over here to fight with you, Eliott. I just need you to help me.” Eliott looked at Lucas with doubt. “Please.” Lucas finally said. 

“Fine.” Eliott took off the orange beanie from his head and threw it on Lucas’ bed. “Where are you guys going?” 

“Palais de la Découverte.” Lucas answered. 

The younger boy was immediately met with a look of disbelief. “I thought I was taking you there!” He exclaimed. 

“You keep rain checking me!” Lucas said defensively. “Plus, Julian works there and he knows his way around.” Lucas added, which seemed to upset Eliott even more. 

“I was eventually going to take you there, Lucas.” He said, looking down at the floor with a guilty expression. 

“Stop with the bullshit, Eliott. By the time you take me there, you and Lucille will be two years into your marriage.”

“I’ll come.” Eliott blurts out. 

Lucas looks at him questionably. “With Lucille, of course. It’ll be a double date.” Eliott explained, looking at Lucas with hopeful eyes. “I am sure he won’t mind.” 

Lucas thinks about it. “I don’t know-” Lucas starts. 

“C’mon, Lucille’s and I were on a double date on the first date too. No big deal!” Eliott said. 

“Okay,” Lucas agrees. “I think I should text him first, though.” 

Eliott nods his head, walking towards Lucas’ bed, and falling onto the bed. Lucas sat down on his desk, staring down at his phone. He nervously sent a quick message to Julian about the double date and put his phone down again. 

He stared at the older boy laying down on the bed. “Are you going to text, Lucille?” He asked. 

Eliott looked surprised for a second until he pulled out his phone from his pocket. An awkward silence overtook the room as Lucas stared at the older boy who was furiously typing a message. 

The silence was cut short when his phone angrily vibrated. 

_From Julian (11:30)_

_Oh. Yeah, that sounds good. I was hoping to be alone with you, but this sounds great too. Maybe next time it’ll just be us, though?_

“Is that him?” Eliott said.

Lucas looked up at the older boy, who was now sitting on his bed facing Lucas. He looked expectantly at the younger boy as he nodded. 

“And, he’s okay with us coming?” Eliott added. 

Lucas nodded again, staring down at his phone like he was awaiting another response from Julian. “Is Lucille coming?” He finally asked. 

Eliott stared back down at his phone and shook his head. “She hasn’t text back yet.” He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck. “She’ll respond eventually.” He sounded unsure of himself like he was holding back information. But Lucas didn’t want to pry. 

“Want to watch something while we wait?” The older boy said. He smiled at Lucas—the laugh lines embedded in the edge of his eyes, making an appearance. Lucas loves his smile. He likes to compare it to the moon, for through the darkest times, he is the only source of light.

“I don’t want to watch Star Wars again, Eli.” 

Eliott laughs, throwing his head back as he gets off the bed. He walks over to Lucas, and Lucas swears he can feel his heart tear through his ribcage as Eliott walks even closer. The older boy reaches across him and leans so close to the smaller boy in the process.

So close that Lucas could nearly smell the cologne Eliott loves so dearly. It smells of everything good—cinnamon and spice with the hint of the cigarettes Eliott smokes every day. 

He could feel his breath halt as the older boy smiled down at him, reaching over his shoulder and grabbing Lucas’ computer. And then, he pulled away from the smaller boy, and Lucas could finally breathe again. But he does something that surprises Lucas. 

He grabs his hand, pulling him towards the bed. “We’re not watching Star Wars, Lu.” Lucas' breath halts. “We’re going to watch my favorite movie of all time!” Eliott pushes Lucas’ on his bed, then jumps aside him. He pulls the comforters over them and turns on the computer. 

“Are you cold?” Lucas shakes his head, catching Eliott’s gaze for a split second until he looked back at the computer. “Are you sure? I am sure some of my sweatshirts are hidden in your closet.” 

Lucas groans loudly and barely resists the urge to hit Eliott upside the head. “That was one time!” Lucas exclaimed. _Okay, maybe more than one time._ “Besides, I like your sweatshirts.” Lucas looks down at the black screen of the computer, an embarrassing blush covers his pale cheeks. “They smell like you.” 

Eliott beams as he nudges closer to the smaller boy until their shoulders were touching. “You’re so adorable, _mon amour_.” His stomach flutters and Lucas swears his body temperature spikes up a billion degrees. Lucas doesn’t remember the last time Eliott called him that. 

“What do you want to watch then,” Lucas says, it comes out a few octaves higher and embarrasses Lucas to his core. He reaches to turn on his computer, typing in the password. 

Eliott stares at Lucas’ lips for a moment too long. “I don’t know. What about The Matrix?” Eliott’s eyes lit up with excitement as Lucas stared back at him with curious eyes.

Lucas considers the movie for a split second. “No.” Eliott's face falls as he pouts his lips, and Lucas’ stomach flutters. “What? It’s an overrated movie that’s confusing for no reason.” 

“You take that back, right now.” Eliott warns, he inches impossibly closer to the smaller boy as he giggles. 

“Never! It’s a crap movie. You only like it because of that cheesy kiss scene at the end!” Lucas says confidently with a smirk.

Eliott looks at him in disbelief before he puts the laptop safely aside. But then his expression changes to a mischievous smirk that made Lucas’ stomach drop. Before Lucas could fully comprehend what was going on, Eliott attacks. 

Lucas gasps as Eliott’s fingers relentlessly attack his sides with tickles. The smaller boy loudly giggles, trying to escape from Eliott by squirming away. But, every time he gets even close to escaping, Eliott grabs him by the waist and pulls him back down, trapping him between his long arms. Lucas lets out a final delirious, joyful laugh as he gasps for air, playfully hitting Eliott’s shoulders. 

“Ok!” Lucas gasps. “I take it back!” 

Eliott’s attack slowly dimmed down as he smiled softly down at the boy under him. “Say it.” Eliott commands. 

Lucas smiles innocently. “Say what?” Eliott catches the devious look hidden in Lucas and raises his hands again, prompting another gasp from Lucas. “Ok! Ok! The Matrix is a good movie!” Lucas shouts, trying to squirm away from the bigger boy. 

Eliott pulled him down again, more gently this time, as he looked endearingly down at Lucas. Giving him a look that makes Lucas forget how to breathe. “And?” Eliott instigates, urging Lucas to continue. 

Lucas sighs deliriously. His stomach ached as Lucas fought to catch his breath. Eliott raises his hands to Lucas’ sides. Lucas squealed. “I don’t know what you want me to say!” 

“Tell me how much the ending is a romantic masterpiece!” Eliott challenges Lucas, and the younger boy panics for a second. 

“My mother told me it’s bad to lie!” Lucas challenges back. Eliott rolls his eyes playfully before removing himself from on top of Lucas. He laid beside him on his side, lying down on his elbow and just stared at Lucas. 

“Who’s your favorite actor?” Eliott asked. 

Lucas softly smiled at the older boy. “Leonardo DiCaprio.” Lucas says, clapping his hands together and smiling goofily at the boy next to him. 

Eliott sends him a ridiculous look as he raises his eyebrows. “Seriously?” 

Lucas is quick to respond. “Yes!” He stares at Eliott with excitement. “You never saw, what’s it called, Romeo and Juliet? It’s fucking beautiful.” He continues. 

Eliott pulls himself half-up, resting on his elbow. “I prefer the Matrix.” Lucas giggles loudly, hitting Eliott’s elbow causing his head to fall. Eliott laughs back, his eyes squinting so beautifully that makes Lucas just wants to kiss every inch of his face. 

The room is filled with silence as the two boys stare up at the ceiling. 

“Life is a bit like a movie, you know?” Eliott says, holding his gaze at the ceiling. 

“What do you mean?” Eliott turns his head towards Lucas. 

“You’re in charge of directing it. Deciding what life is, and what it’ll become.” Eliott explains. 

Lucas reaches for the nest of hair that rests on Eliott’s head, and brushes it through his hands. “I don’t believe that.” Lucas responds. Eliott sends him a curious look that prompts him to elaborate on his thought. “Do you know the multiverse theory?” 

Eliott lets out an airy laugh. “Like in Spider-man?” 

Lucas slightly shakes his head at Eliott. “The theory is based on the idea that time is just a dimension.” Lucas begins. “And so, aside from this universe, there are also a bunch of other universes. And, whenever you make a choice, the universe splits.” 

“Like in the Flash?” Eliott questions, brushing his hair away from his forehead. 

“What’s your obsession with comparing everything I say with movies?” Lucas exclaims. Eliott laughs at the smaller boy. “But so then you know you can exist in every universe, but it’s just slightly different each time.” Lucas frames his chin with his thumb and index finger like he was deep in thought. “There could be a Lucas and an Eliott that are lying in the same position we are in, but the curtains are a different color.” 

“So like what? Yellow curtains?” 

Lucas laughs with Eliott. “Yes, yellow curtains.” 

Eliott quickly lifts himself into a sitting position, startling Lucas. The older boy stares down at Lucas with an intense look. “What about a universe where Lucas and Eliott are more than friends?” 

“Hm?” Lucas sends the older boy a questionable look. 

“You know. A universe like the Matrix but with Lucas and Eliott as the romantic lead.” Eliott explains, staring down at Lucas like he is waiting for him to scream at him and run away. Lucas wants to laugh and hide under his comforters.

“Is that something you want?” Lucas asks instead, looking away from the older boy. 

Eliott lies down again next to Lucas, never breaking his gaze at the smaller boy. “I don’t know.” Eliott runs his hands through his hair, and without a second thought, he lightly touches Lucas’ chin and turns it towards him. “But, I think Eliott and Lucas are going to have a more epic love story than Romeo and Juliet.” 

Lucas playfully scoffs. “What about Neo and Trinity?” 

Eliott chuckles. “I wouldn’t go that far.” 

Lucas glares at him, moving to look away, but Eliott doesn’t let that happen. “Asshole.” He continues. “And Lucille?” 

“What about Lucille?” Eliott responds. 

“Where is she in this universe?” Lucas elaborates. 

Eliott’s facial expression twists with doubt. “I don’t know.” He says. 

Silence fills the room again as the two boys stare at each other. A silence that is utterly so intoxicating as his senses nearly become a slave to the silence. 

Before he could control his mouth, the question slips out. “Did you ask her yet?” 

Eliott looks down for a split second, then reconnects their eyes. “She said no.” (she said no????? what??????) 

Lucas doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know whether to comfort Eliott or scream out in joy. Instead, he opts to touch the hand touching his chin. “I’m sorry.” He finally says. 

“She said that there was someone else.” Eliott continues. “That she is sorry and that she couldn’t continue doing this to me.” He stares at Eliott with a look akin to pity. “And then she left. Like I was nothing to her.” 

Eliott’s eyes were brimming with self-loathing, and Lucas just wanted the ability to take the pain all away. 

“Maybe she’ll come back.” He hopes not. “She did before.” 

“I don’t know.” Eliott begins. “I don’t know if I even love her anymore, Lucas.” Lucas’ heart skips a beat. “I think I love someone else.” 

“Who is she?” Lucas asks, staring at the minuscule freckles dotting Eliott’s nose. 

“Ask me who it is.” Eliott says, his voice wavering. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D 
> 
> Anyways, I wanted to finish writing this chapter now because I am probably not going to have time to write and post in the following week. However, I am nearly done with all my final assignments. Just got to some editing and write one more essay and then im finished! 
> 
> I know I mentioned about writing a Harry Potter fic with Elu. But, I have another idea :D Hear me out, what about a punk rock band au? I do not see ELU in a punk rock band au, D: but I am interested in making a Sobbe fic in this universe. Plus, I don't think there is one with Sobbe. (correct me if im wrong though) 
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. Please don't be quiet. I love to read all of yours reactions, it makes my day and motivates me a lot. 
> 
> ~becca


	6. lucas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> deathly silence, confessions of love, and promise of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's here! the next chapter! hope you enjoy :))

_december 14_

_Lucas_

Eliott was nervous. 

He kept looking away from the younger boy while nervously biting his bottom lip, leaving pale indents embedded in his pink lips. His stormy blue eyes were bloodshot red from the constant rubbing away the drowsiness from his eyes. His left leg was trembling while his sock-clad foot knocked against the auburn, wood floor—making a clicking noise that bounced off the walls. 

Lucas couldn’t help but break the uncomfortable silence, for it was almost stifling. 

No matter how much the smaller boy complains about the cafe's noisiness, the humming noise gives him comfort. When he’s lying in bed while staring at the ceiling, he finds himself imagining the soft noise of the cafe blanketing over his body, soothing him to sleep. When he’s studying in the library alone, he finds himself longing for the comforting sounds of laughter and shouting from the boys. To Lucas, noise equates to liveliness. 

Silence reminds Lucas of the dinner table. His mom sitting deathly silent next to him. His father sat at the far end of the scratched, brown table. His father stared at his mother, robotically chewing and swallowing as he sniffled his nose and cleared his throat. He would occasionally scratch his nose and let out a tired sigh. His mother would stare at the walls and the ceilings, her glazed grey eyes brimming with unfounded excitement—like there was a dramatic show that she could only see playing upon the dull, white walls.

Her food always remained untouched, the cold air enveloping it, eating up the heat that was once there. Occasionally, his father would scold her for not eating. He would pick up the fork, forcing it into her hands. And, when she remained unresponsive as the fork rested between her bony fingers. His face would turn red with anger as he abruptly stood up from the whimpering chair. Almost like a waterfall fell upon him, the red on his face would dissipate into a normal skin tone as he sighed with so much disappointment. 

Then he would leave—leaving Lucas alone with his unresponsive mother and the oppressive silence. And Lucas would try to get a response from her. He would nudge the plate closer to her, encouraging her to eat. He would try to start a conversation, ask her how her day was, anything to kill the silence. Her gaze always remained fixated on the walls in front of her, and her lips closed in a thin line. 

Eventually, he would give up and let the silence fill the room, like how water fills an empty pool—inch by inch, submerging anything that gets in its way, until Lucas is fully immersed within the water, gasping for air—trying to call for help. 

Eliott looked like he was trapped in that pool, still. And, Lucas wanted to be the one to pull that drain plug. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Lucas finally said. 

Eliott shook his head, reaching to cradle the sides of Lucas’ cheeks in each palm. “No,” the older boy begins. “I need to tell you before I chicken out.” 

Lucas looked at the individual strands of Eliott’s hair, finding it a welcome distraction from looking Eliott in the eyes. “Is it Idriss?” 

The older boy’s eyes widened immensely as he choked on air. “Are you joking?” And, then the tense silence is replaced with lively laughter coming from the older boy. The hands on Lucas’ cheeks grow warmer, and Lucas barely resists the urge to lean into his palms. “No Lucas, it’s not Idriss.” 

Lucas narrowed his eyes at the older boy. “Just tell me, Eliott. I am not a mind reader!” Lucas said, with a hint of agitation hidden in his voice. Eliott removed his warm hands from the younger boy's cheeks, and Lucas had to refrain himself from whimpering. “Why are you acting so weird?” Lucas softly said. He placed an arm over the older boy's shoulders, moving him closer to him.

“I’m afraid that if I tell him that, it’ll ruin everything.” Eliott looked almost ashamed as he longingly gazed at the faint wrinkles of his hand. “I’m afraid that he won't love me back.” He finished. **  
**

Lucas wanted to say that that was impossible. Anyone lucky enough to be loved by Eliott would never not reciprocate the feelings. Eliott was everything. Lucas looked at the older boy with confusion, silently begging him to return the contact. “I don’t understand.” Lucas watched as the older boy sighed. “Is he someone I know?” He asked. 

With that, the older boy looked at Lucas.

The older boy stared at him alluringly, that Lucas felt hypnotized. Suddenly, everything made sense. Eliott was the moon, and Lucas was the sea, and Eliott had this intense power surrounding him that lures him closer, like how the moon pulls the seas toward it, creating ocean tides of desire. 

And Lucas couldn’t stop himself from leaning in. He wanted more—more than he can get. He felt like he was in the middle of a drought, yet, there were millions upon billions of ponds of freshwater. In his delirious and dehydrated state, the water lures him towards it—tempting him, like a siren. 

The older boy only watched as Lucas leaned closer, his eyes quickly darting from his eyes to his lips. The smaller boy stopped centimeters away, tearing his gaze away from Eliott’s lips, looking him deep into his eyes. He was so close that he could smell the fragrance of his woodsy cologne and the undertone of cigarettes attached to his shirt. Until, finally, Eliott moved to close the distance. It was a profound feeling that Lucas had never experienced before. Something so sacred that Lucas wouldn't dare to want to share this with anyone but Eliott. 

The kiss started out as soft. A stark contrast to his fast-beating heart. Eliott’s lips brushed so softly onto his, almost like he was testing the waters—the kiss just long enough that Lucas could inhale the fresh mintiness of his toothpaste and taste the peppermint chapstick that lingered onto his lips. It was a kiss that left Lucas wanting more and more, for he was never fully satiated. Until, finally, Eliott dived in. 

The kiss intensified into a profound feeling of pleasure and absolute trust. It was a kiss that tasted passionately sweet, nearly quenching his consuming thirst. It was a thousand whispers of _I love you_ condensed into one moment. 

Lucas could feel the blood rush to his cheeks as he felt Eliott’s tongue breach his lips, dancing inside his mouth. The older boy laid a cool palm onto his cheek, soothing the burning warmth radiating off his skin. He deepened the kiss, tilting Lucas’ chin upwards and burrowing his other hand into the younger boy's messy hair. 

Lucas felt intoxicated. He felt like a slave to the lips on his. Whenever Eliott pulled away for air, Lucas quickly gasped for air and then would follow him, not wanting the moment to end. 

His hands shook with nervousness as he placed them on the back of Eliott’s neck, running his fingers through the boy’s skin, making the other boy shiver with anticipation. 

Eliott finally held the smaller boy’s head in place, rendering him motionless, and pulled away from the younger boy. Lucas gasped, attempting to catch his breath as Eliott sent him a look brimming with adoration and excitement and a lighthearted smile. 

Lucas let out a dreamy sigh that he would’ve found embarrassing if it weren’t for the dreamy state he was in. 

“Do you get it now?” Eliott said, nudging his face closer to the younger boy. 

And then, feelings of doubt and insecurity flooded his mind. 

Was it too soon? Eliott just recently broke up with Lucille. What if Eliott is using him as a rebound? Lucas loves Eliott. He loves him so much. But he does not want to be seen as the second choice to Lucille. The person that is “close enough.” Lucas wants Eliott to love him like he loves Lucille. To love him more than he loves Lucille. 

“What’s wrong?” Lucas looks away from his lap and stares at Eliott who has his eyebrows furrowed. His face was twisted with concern and irritation like he was annoyed at himself for not being able to read Lucas’ mind. 

“Do you still love Lucille?” Lucas asked. Almost immediately, Eliott shuffled impossibly closer to the younger boy, embracing his cheeks into his palms.

“No.” Eliott said, almost hurriedly. “Of course, I loved her once. I thought we were forever. I thought we were going to grow old together at one point. But then, I realized that maybe, I am not as in love as her as I once thought I was.” Eliott started. 

“What made you realize it?” Lucas asked. “That you didn’t love her anymore?” Lucas cleared any holes the questions might’ve had. 

“When I realized that the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with was you.” Eliott said. 

Lucas' breath halted, but the doubt still swarmed his mind like trapped flies inside a small container. “You asked Lucille to marry you just a week ago.” Lucas said. His voice cracked as he weakly rubbed his eyes, trying to prevent the dam of tears from breaking. “You must still love her.” He started. “I saw the way you looked at her. You looked at her like you would never stop loving her. Why else would you ask her to marry you?” His voice wavered at the end, as he let out a teary gasp. He tried to blink away the tears, but they rolled down his cheeks despite his efforts to stop them. 

“Lucas, that’s not true.” Eliott shook his head, lightly touching his forehead to the younger boys’ forehead.

“What’s not true?” Lucas snorted. “That you still love her or that you asked her to marry you?’ 

“Both!” Eliott said exasperatedly. Lucas watched as the older boy's eyes widened at what he just said. “I mean, I don’t love her anymore. I don’t know what else you want me to say, Lucas.” Eliott started. “I stopped loving her when the skies were pink, and the clouds tasted like cotton candy. I’ve loved you since my mind was ridden with dark grey skies and monstrous skies, yet all I could think about was you in my sweater. _Je t'aime, Lucas_ .” 

“You never asked her to marry you, didn’t you Eliott?” 

Eliott’s eyes filled with guilt and regret, and Lucas wanted to forgive him immediately, but the feelings of betrayal filled him to the core. Eliott shook his head. “No,” He started. “I never asked her to marry me.” 

Lucas was quick with a rebuttal. “So why did you lie to me?” Lucas said. The tears were uncontrollable now—streaming down his face, dripping from his chin. “How do I know you’re not lying now?” He whispered. 

“I don’t know.” Eliott blurted out. The older boy used his thumb to lightly wipe away the tears from the younger boy's face.

“There had to be a reason.” Lucas responded. 

“I wanted to see how you would react.” Eliott explained, regret dripping out of every word. “To make sure that the feelings I had for you were true, and to make sure the feelings you had for me were there?” He started. His words were quick and unforgiving. “I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be ruining us.”

Lucas stared back at the older boy and then stared out of the window in the far left corner of his room. The sky was dark, ridden with thousands of twinkling stars—reminding him of the day on the balcony.

_past_

_Eliott shifted in his chair nervously and then looked Lucas straight in the eyes. “What do you think about me asking Lucille to marry me?”_

_And then Lucas’s heart exploded as if it were a star exploding into a supernova._

_Waves of severe disappointment and dread filled him as he let out a surprised laugh. He waited for Eliott to laugh and tell Lucas that he was joking, but his facial expression remained dead serious. “Are you being serious?” Lucas finally asked._

_Eliott softly smiled at the smaller boy. “I think so.” Eliott tore his gaze away from the younger boy. And, Lucas was filled with so much relief that he wasn’t being watched anymore. He let the tears fill his eyes as he stared up at the stars. “I just don’t want to be making a mistake, you know?”_

_Lucas willed his voice not to crack, to not expose him. “I think that you won’t be making a mistake,” Lucas said. “I think that Lucille would be so happy to be your wife, Eliott. I see the way she looks at you, Eliott. I see the way you look at her. You guys look so happy, so in love.” Lucas explained. “I think this would be the best decision of your life.” Lucas finished, his voice cracking at the end. He hoped Eliott wouldn’t question it._

_“I don’t know,” Eliott responded. “Sometimes, I wonder if I still love Lucille as I once did. Don’t get me wrong. She’s great. But well...sometimes, I think our story’s coming to an end. We’ve been going round in circles for a while. I don’t think I want that anymore.” Eliott explained._

_“Like in a relationship?” Lucas asked._

_“Oh no, I’d like to be in a relationship,” Eliott answered. From the corner of Lucas’ eye, he could notice Eliott staring at him. Like he’s expecting a particular response and that confused Lucas._

_“So you can picture yourself with another girl? Lucas asked._

_“Yeah, sure.” Eliott paused. “Not necessarily a girl, though.”_

_Lucas' head snapped towards Eliott, who was already staring back at him. For a second, his heart filled with hope. But then he heard slights whispers of conversations from inside, one of those voices being Lucille._

_“Maybe, you guys are just having a dull phase.” Lucas tried to tell Eliott, or maybe he wanted to convince himself. “Maybe, a marriage will reignite the passion you guys once had? I think it’s still there. You just go to work to find it. Like you said, before. You got to mend a broken step before you deem it unfixable. Maybe, you got to mend your problems now, and then you’ll be truly happy.” Lucas explained._

_Eliott looked back at him with an expression Lucas couldn’t recognize._

_“I don’t know,” The older boy began. “People change. I changed and so did Lucille. I don’t think we’re looking for the same things anymore.”_

_“So why are you thinking about asking her to marry you?” Lucas asked._

_Eliott paused for a moment too long. “I think I’m waiting on someone to stop me.”_

_Before Lucas could question Eliott, their conversation was interrupted by a soft voice.“Eliott?” The older boy ripped his gaze away from the smaller boy “Are you ready to go home?”_

_And there Lucille was—in all her beauty and glory. The moon shone against her pale skin, making her look undeniably beautiful. Her white, spaghetti strap dress flowed beautifully—the color complimenting her fair skin-tone. Her wispy brown hair curled at the bottom, completing her look. She was stunning….beyond perfect._

_Lucas can understand why Eliott would want to marry her. The heartbroken boy watched as Eliott nodded and walked towards Lucille. He wrapped an arm around her waist, sparing one more glance at the teary-eyed boy, and smiled._

_Gathering up all the energy he could conjure up, Lucas smiled back and watched as he left—his heart cracked into two._

“But, you hurt me,” Lucas let out a teary laugh, almost cynical. “Did I pass your test?” 

“It wasn’t a test!” Eliott defended himself. 

“Then what do you call that?” Lucas retorted, his voice raising a pitch. “You lied to me, Eliott. You don’t lie to the people you love.” 

“I fucked up, I know. It was a stupid, impulsive decision that I should’ve never made. I know I fucked up.” Eliott rambled. “I am sorry, Lucas.” 

Lucas looked up at Eliott, who was also tearing up. His hand was trembling on his cheek and his eyes begged for forgiveness. “I need time.” Lucas finally said. “To think.” 

The older boy nodded. “Of course.” He got up slowly like he was waiting for Lucas to change his mind. And, Lucas was close to changing his mind. But, he knew he needed to think it through. Everything was happening so fast, too fast. He needed to think with a clear mind. Lucas knew that.

But, as Eliott walked away from the younger boy, he could feel the veins within his heart pulse painfully, wrapping tightly around his heart and squeezing it. His chest felt tight as he fought the sobs that were threatening to escape. 

“Eliott?” Lucas' voice wavered. The older boy turned his body away from the doorframe, facing Lucas. “ _Je t'aime aussi_.” 

The older boy softly smiled at him, walking fast towards the younger boy and kissing him repeatedly on the lips. Lucas couldn’t help but release a teary giggle, bringing Eliott closer to him by the sides of his cheeks. 

“You need time,” Eliott said to himself, softly kissing Lucas again on the lips. “Goodbye for now.” Eliott murmured, his lips wet from the tears streaming down Lucas’ face. 

Lucas watched as the older boy walked away, sparing one more glance at the younger boy before sending him a hopeful smile. 

And then the silence filled the room as Lucas stared at the wall. Lucas thought about his mother. He imagines this is how she felt as she stared at the wall during dinner—lonely and full of dread. 

Two soft knocks interrupted Lucas from his daze. He turned his head towards his door, seeing Mika, who had a facial expression akin to worry. “Is everything okay?” 

Instead of responding, Lucas sobbed in Mika’s arms, hugging him tightly like he was afraid Mika would leave him. 

As Lucas cried harder, his body trembling from the force, Mika hugged him tighter, like he was protecting him. 

“Breathe, Lucas,” Lucas painfully inhaled, letting out a shaky exhale. “Everything will be okay.” 

And, for once, Lucas actually believed him. **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait! I was worried about writing the kiss scene, so my I kept postponing and postponing until I couldn't anymore, haha. Hopefully it isn't as bad as I think it is. 
> 
> By the way, this is the last angsty chapter of the story! the next chapters will be filled of jealous eliott and fluffy elu! we have three more chapters to go! 
> 
> Kudos and comments would be greatly appreciated!


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